My first Christmas away. Thoughts drift back to a time of exorbitant seafood prices at the Sydney Fish Markets, raging bushfires, and ridculously expensive presents from my family. This year I received 24 tubes of hair gel. No more TVs, digital cameras, Xboxes and the like which demanded something similarly expensive in return. Most Bodacious Dude. So Christmas in Europe... how to spend this newly freed christmas funds? Of course with some Chrismtas Market action!
Now Cologne was my Christmas Market of choice. I was met by Anya a girl I met in a dodgy Istanbul hostel and the first thing I did was to look for my favourite German food. The Bratwurst Bratwurst Bratwurst (echo to fade). The whole blending of eyelids, nostrils, kidney stones and other bits of roadkill, and turning it into something that tasty is worthy of a Michelin Star. It represents a culinary delight for me (and strangely a good night in for Deven). The picture depicts Anya eating the good bits of roadkill, which was spun onto a skewer. Notice the lack of claws and assorted cartilage as would be found in the Bratwurst Bratwurst Bratwurst (echo to fade). Of course no Christmas Market visit is complete without some Gluhwein and how better to drink it then with a nice Bratwurst Bratwurst Bratwurst (echo to fade). Now if only somewone would sponsor my idea about blending Bratwurst into Gluhwein - Bratwein. All the best things about Bratwurst, in liquid form. And to top it off, alcoholic as well. Imagine getting drunk on Bratwein and not feeling the need for a dirty lamb kebab afterwards! Off course there'd be be the boutique meat drinks also - Kranskwein, Speckwein, Schnitzwein.... The mind boggles at the possibilities.
Heres something not everyone would know - there is a sizeable Gypsy and Aborginal population in Cologne. So much that there is a need for Bumerang stalls. Not for marsupial use, the Bumerang is needed due to the highly developed skills of the omnipresent Gypsies to steal almost anything (plus cursing those in earshot). A weapon which would strike from a long distance and return ready for another strike is proving invaluable amongst the inhabitants . Hence the booming market for Bumerangs and the aboriginal artisans which create such cost effective implements. A perfect present for any discerning rascist/fascist and buying Australian overseas to boot!!! I can't remember the prices, i am still suffering slight amnesia from a mysterious knock to the head whilst out walking along the river. Curse thee maggot...
The other very Christmas thing to do is off course some outdoor ice skating. I did some with Anya in Cologne, and when my sister Judy came over, I was a regular Dean (or Torvill whicever was better). Thats Judy in the coat which deserves a nice bonfire. What better way to spend a few hours than cutting people of and watching them fall. Joy to the world!And what would Christmas be without a nice present to the people of the world.... enjoy... Deven put away that Bratwurst ....
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